Still a closet Hare Krsna?

Sometimes, I wonder if Krsna is sitting up there, just laughing at the situations He loves to put us in.

You could say I can be a little reclusive when it comes to expressing myself as a Hare Krsna. I usually conceal the cover of the book I am reading or hide the exotic picture of Lord Narsimha on my japa bag to keep curious eyes away from me on one of the most social events of the day for me - the bus. From a sociological point of view, every type of person steps onto the bus where everyone is pushed - sometimes, literally - to stare and judge each other on the bus. It truly is an interesting phenomena. Regardless of its sociological study merits, it is a place I keep minimal contact with others.

Recently, I started taking my japa bag along with me onto the bus and do my rounds - somewhat effectively. When I take the bus, there isn't much rush and I avoid staring eyes.

However, Krsna loves to challenge.

The bus was PACKED with people and there was this lone seat beside a South Asian woman. I hesitated. Should I continue my round or quickly stash the normal looking bag in my purse? Billions of options ran through my head but finally took it as a challenge from Krsna and decided to continue with my round. I have come to the conclusion that Krsna does NOT like comfort.

The lady beside me, however, thought I was the coolest person to land beside her and kept staring at my moving lips and my japa bag. Back and forth. Back and forth. I was the most peculiar thing she had ever seen. Now, if it was the old me, crabby and such, I would have quickly turned to her and have made some rude comment. Trust me, I was biting my now-devotee tongue. Do I turn to this lady with a smile and tell her the virtues of chanting and the movement? Do I hand her a card with the temple directions like any sane devotee would?

Nope, I sit there hoping she will stop staring at me and continue to chant. I wish I had the courage to turn to this lady and apply the little knowledge I possess. Srila Prabhupada always encouraged this sense of urgency and I let someone continue their journey through this maya-filled world.

However, what I did learn was that Krsna will always push you into such situations that you don't want to be in, that frighten you, that leave you feeling helpless. Our job is to go through it, to persevere but with the trust in and faith that Krsna is standing behind you, to catch you when you fall.

I obviously have trust issues.