Checkered Floors

As I sat in my temple room trying to focus as I chanted, I was transported to my trip to Vrindavan two years ago....

It had been a wonderful day, a festive day but the floor of the Krishna-Balarama temple was covered in flower petals and anything else that flew in through the doors. The temple room was vacated so a group of young boys could clean the mess up. My mom and I wanted to chant as the rest of the family went out to shop for a bit. We timidly walked into the main hall and sat on the edge of the checkered floor. The boys were hosing down the floor and moving all the dirt towards the drainage area with a large sweeper. In between, laughter would break out as one hosed the other but they continued diligently. There was a soft harmonium being played as a devotee did his mid-day shift leading kirtan at the front of the hall. He was in his own little world, singing with all of his heart for Krishna. In this atmosphere of motion but reserved from all the commotion that is the material world, we chanted. We continued to chant for over an hour without a word to each other, for fear that this enchanted state would be broken. There was such stillness in the air that instead of building panic, it brought calm.

We finally decided to leave and find the rest of the family. As soon as we stepped out of the temple hall, we were bombarded by harsh reality. It ached to walk outside. My mom and I looked at each other and there was an immediate sense that we had both felt something different in the temple hall. It remains as one of my favourite moments in Vrindavan.

As I remembered this scene today, I felt completely immersed in that same still air and the overwhelming feeling of cool checkered floor beneath me.

At Kusum Sarovar, morning of Govardhana Parikrama

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A Year Later...

Yeah. I'm horrible at keeping this blog updated. BUT I did travel to India recently - after 16 years. I think that provides for some blog material, seeing that I documented everything in my journal. I'll probably put up a new post every week...but I'm not promising anything =).

So for those 1.5 readers, I hope you enjoy whatever comes out of this blog in the next little while!

My Favourite Hoodie

Hoodies are your warm solace in the cold winters of Canada. I have a huge collection of different styles, colours and sizes. Out of all of them, my favourite hoodie is the one I bought during Festival of Inspiration a couple of years ago. It has a beautiful, black and white print of Srila Prabhupada on the back. At first sight, it's easy to tell it is a picture of someone but few come up and ask who the person is. My friends are used to my "unique" ways that they are quick to ask and appreciate.

Not only is it the perfect hoodie in its size and warmth but its a constant reminder. It reminds me of that magnanimous personality I owe my life to every time I slide my arms through its sleeves. It acts as my armour against the arrows of the material world when my head pops out the opening. More importantly, it reminds me of my ultimate goal when I walk with it on, warm and thankful.

However, the other day I was reminded of the innate magic of Srila Prabhupada.

I was at work, "trying" to pay attention to my task, when one of my co-workers came over to speak to me. She is probably one of the sweetest people I have ever met with a care and genuineness that is truly special. She began to say she really liked my hoodie - it looked so warm! Slowly, carefully, she asked about the person on the back of my hoodie.

And slowly, carefully, I told her about Srila Prabhupada and a bit about Krsna Consciousness. With a bit of understanding, she opened up about her faith in Buddhism and the same principles came up - chanting the Holy Name will take you to your final goal, regardless of who you are. We also have the same cellphone and have the option of having a title and we found that we both had put something to remind us of the Holy Name (I have 'Kirtaniya Sada Hari'). We left the conversation with a better understanding of each other. It was truly special.

The next day, she emailed me a youtube video of George Harrison's, "My sweet Lord", one of her favourite songs. She was surprised to hear that the Beatles had met with Srila Prabhupada.

I couldn't stop smiling. My warm, beautiful hoodie brought me spiritually closer to someone else, a greater understanding. Again, it reminded me of how amazing Srila Prabhupada is, just in his form. His magic surpasses the illusions of this world because of his sincerity and love for Krsna.

It reminded me of how much I really love this hoodie all over again =).

Shift in thinking

As I try to study for two exams, I'm compelled to procrastinate and write something. Plenty of thoughts have been running through my mind that should have made its way on to this blog....but haven't.

To break it down for you (mini-update):

Ratha-Yatra is less than a month away + finishing up 3rd year + chores I promised to finish once I had free time = busy me.

I managed somehow to make time for these activities/services. I would stay up for hours on end, skip meals because they got in the way, whatever it took. Futile, really, since my rounds were suffering. Completely.

Thank Krsna for devotee association and Brhat Mrdanga Prabhu. If you haven't met the latter, I suggest you find a way to meet him! He gave an unbelievable seminar on the importance of our most sacred vow, chanting 16 rounds. (To check it out, please visit: www.torontokrishna.com .)

As practioners, you hear constantly the importance of chanting. I totally get it but my problem is prioritizing. I leave my rounds to the last second, barely with an ounce of respect and love for them. I just want to finish them to say that I have. Neglected and used, would probably be used as words to describe our relationship. Prabhu kept hammering the point that rounds in the morning are the best and hearing the vibration is the most important part. So I have tried to rebuild that relationship in the morning. I won't lie - I don't finish all in the morning but the attitude is changing.

My rounds have become my solace. Solace from my juggling act of spiritual and material life - school, services, family. Truly a stress reliever. With this attitude in mind, I try to hear more deeply and to concentrate. It doesn't prove to be an easy task. The relationship is slowly building up to where it was before. Services are done with more awareness of reasonings and goals - Krsna. All in all, happier demeanour. Maintenance is crucial right now.

Will post some other stuff soon enough. (Really, a reminder for myself to do so.)

*Scurries back to studying*

Amazing perspective...

HH Indradyumna Swami and Sri Prahlad Das recently visited our city in a blur of dancing, kirtan and well, dancing! Maharaja's stories of Srila Prabhupada were super special and one stuck with me.

Maharaja recounted a time when Srila Prabhupada was walking along the beach with several disciples. Upon spotting a bunch of stray dogs and someone taking their dog for a walk on a leash, Srila Prabhupada asked the devotees present, the difference between the dog on the leash and the stray dogs. Many were puzzled and could not answer the question. Srila Prabhupada explained that the stray dogs were skinny because of malnourishment, constantly looking for any morsel food and always on the run. However, the dog on the leash is quite the opposite. This dog has beautiful hair, is healthy and quite satisfied, regardless of being tied to a leash. Why is that? Srila Prabhupada explained that the leash was being held by the master, a master who is able to take care of all the various needs of the dog so that the dog need not worry about his next meal.

What a profound example! If I was presented this scenario outside the context of KC, I would not have understood the link between the well-being of the dog and the master. To be honest, I felt that the dog was kind of "trapped" by being tied to a leash. History has always put emphasis on so-called freedom - that we need to "break the shackles of oppression" and live free and I was kinda' following that line of thinking.

But what is freedom? Is it even possible to achieve and if it is, do I necessarily want it?

I guess the rebel teenager in me (which is still going strong, I might add) still thinks freedom is beneficial in this time and age and will prove to be helpful in the long run. The truth, which is inevitably harder to swallow is that yes, freedom needs to be achieved but not from the simple material shackles of political rivalries, slavery or economic crises but from the all encompassing power of Maya. By freeing ourselves from Her clutches, we rid ourselves from constant anxiety and immerse ourselves in the loving service of the Lord through the chanting of His Holy Names. Now, that's REAL freedom for ya'!

Back to Srila Prabhupada's amazing analogy. It is incredible how Srila Prabhupada could take such a mundane observation and make it transcendental by linking it to a fundamental thought in our philosophy: we as servants are better under the care of our Master - whether it be our spiritual master or ultimately, Krsna - since it is our eternal position. To be in any other situation would be going against what we naturally are and thus, cannot be fully satisfied.

Now, I just gotta' drill this point in my head.

Understanding the Disciplic Succession...

Vyasa Pujas are always a great way to reflect and enjoy a wondrous occasion. What gets me everytime is the humility a guru possesses and their sincerity towards the mission of Srila Prabhupada. I recently attended a Vyasa Puja. The most beautiful point was when Maharaja was offering Aarti to Srila Prabhupada. The love with which he offered all the items, with a smile on his face emanating humility.... that's disciplic succession personified. Hopefully, one day I can be part of that everlasting disciplic succession.

I can only wait.

Summer Update...

So, haven't posted in a long time with all the craziness that was this summer and recently, the beginning of third year. Woah. This summer was unbelievable! With festivals, Rathayatra, summer school, two jobs as well as living downtown for most of it can only be summarized in one word:

BUSY.

Highlights, you ask?

- Rathayatra - since I was partially in charge of volunteers this year, it was such a pleasure to see volunteers that had never heard/ seen Lord Jagannatha before pulling His cart! Furthermore, seeing some of these volunteers now come regularly to the temple and being engaged...gives me goosebumps! Best parts were 4 of us matajis trying to assemble Lord Jagganatha's altar in the DARK and dis-assembling it in the pouring rain! The rain Lord Indra sent down was...meh but it was great to see people coming from far places to see Lord Jagganatha. NO one can forget the Bus Tour kids and their phenomenal drama, dances and kirtan!

- Summer festivals - so fortunate this year that almost all of the main festivals have fallen on weekends or holidays so that we could truly plan huge celebrations. Totally blessed to work with wonderful devotees who come up with innovative ideas for each festival and it keeps getting better! Seeing devotees really appreciate our humble offerings to Their Lordships just goes to show the bliss that is achieved from devotional service.

This summer was busier with a job and summer school. I plan never to do those two at the same time again.

Now, back to the ups and MANY downs of third year. I have never felt so stressed before. The constant struggle between never-lasting time, so-called material responsibilities and spiritual priorities have started to take a toll. I wish time would just stop for an hour to let me organize myself and prepare myself for the onslaught of really, everything. But when has life ever done that? That's the whole point, right? There isn't anything you can do to stop the forces of maya, time and the modes of material nature. All I can do is chant, chant and chant some more in the hopes that I will be spiritually prepared.

This has been quite the random post.

Good Friday weekend = a Good Pillow fight?

So after the VERY tiring but absolutely fun not-so-long Good Friday weekend, I was watching the news and heard this: "This past weekend, Good Friday was not the only thing that was celebrated...". I perked up thinking they were going to showcase the Gaura Purnima celebrations at the temple (you can tell how much this festival consumed us). Instead, they talked about Global Pillow Fight day.

GLOBAL PILLOW FIGHT DAY?!

I day for people to enjoy a good ol' pillow fight. It was such a success that Vancouver was the only city to participate.

To think, that on an auspicious weekend such as that, people on the West coast were preoccupied with whether to use down-filled or polyester fill and which pillow would give the best smack. We as a society have come up with effective ways to waste time. Yippee. Hopefully, this is NOT an indication of where our society is heading.

My long weekend was nothing short than crazy but pure bliss. Nothing beats dancing and sweating to the beat of the thunderous mrdangas screaming "Nitai! Nitai!" on a totally empty stomach. I got to spend 3 wonderful days with the most inspirational and down right hilarious bunch of people (iFOC ;) ) in the world and get the small opportunity to bring smiles and laughs onto others' faces.

If that isn't what life should be like then NOTHING is.

You don't want Me, you want from Me...

A beautiful line I heard from a spiritual preacher speaking of our dealings with the big guy up there, God. How many times a day do we ask that divine being for a raise, to cut loose from our nagging partner, for that 95% 0n that test (since asking 100% would be really selfish) or for true eternal happiness?

Plenty of times throughout each day.

Why ask the car salesperson for the ugliest, cheapest car which will inevitably be the worst car when s/he sells BMW's? Why do we ask Krsna for the most material and temporary things when we can ask Him for what we KNOW is what we need: eternal love.

It is the hardest thing to wrap our tiny brains around. Krsna has what we want but we are satisfied by asking Him for things that will never give us what we want. There has never been a limit on what we can ask Krsna, so why do we subject ourselves to asking for petty items?

We can ask Krsna to give us HIM! How sweet is that!

It is frustrating to see every living being going after their own material gains regardless of the fact that Krsna has promised us eternal happiness. Krsna made the process easy for us when trying to reach Him - chant His holy names - but provided us with one obstacle: our minds. The mind will always try to swing us away from that permanent happiness and push us to pursue temporary pleasures. It is the ultimate test to steer our minds onto that ever-smiling face of Krsna.

Even after saying all of this, I know I am going to Krsna tomorrow to ask Him for that 95%. The mind will never understand.

Still a closet Hare Krsna?

Sometimes, I wonder if Krsna is sitting up there, just laughing at the situations He loves to put us in.

You could say I can be a little reclusive when it comes to expressing myself as a Hare Krsna. I usually conceal the cover of the book I am reading or hide the exotic picture of Lord Narsimha on my japa bag to keep curious eyes away from me on one of the most social events of the day for me - the bus. From a sociological point of view, every type of person steps onto the bus where everyone is pushed - sometimes, literally - to stare and judge each other on the bus. It truly is an interesting phenomena. Regardless of its sociological study merits, it is a place I keep minimal contact with others.

Recently, I started taking my japa bag along with me onto the bus and do my rounds - somewhat effectively. When I take the bus, there isn't much rush and I avoid staring eyes.

However, Krsna loves to challenge.

The bus was PACKED with people and there was this lone seat beside a South Asian woman. I hesitated. Should I continue my round or quickly stash the normal looking bag in my purse? Billions of options ran through my head but finally took it as a challenge from Krsna and decided to continue with my round. I have come to the conclusion that Krsna does NOT like comfort.

The lady beside me, however, thought I was the coolest person to land beside her and kept staring at my moving lips and my japa bag. Back and forth. Back and forth. I was the most peculiar thing she had ever seen. Now, if it was the old me, crabby and such, I would have quickly turned to her and have made some rude comment. Trust me, I was biting my now-devotee tongue. Do I turn to this lady with a smile and tell her the virtues of chanting and the movement? Do I hand her a card with the temple directions like any sane devotee would?

Nope, I sit there hoping she will stop staring at me and continue to chant. I wish I had the courage to turn to this lady and apply the little knowledge I possess. Srila Prabhupada always encouraged this sense of urgency and I let someone continue their journey through this maya-filled world.

However, what I did learn was that Krsna will always push you into such situations that you don't want to be in, that frighten you, that leave you feeling helpless. Our job is to go through it, to persevere but with the trust in and faith that Krsna is standing behind you, to catch you when you fall.

I obviously have trust issues.

The details...

So basically, this is to put my crazy ramblings on paper/electronic paper so that when I am 65, I can laugh at my poor self. I don't think I am much of a writer but I try. Not really trying to accomplish anything just want to spread some KC around.

I'm a Hare Krsna. I don't walk around in strange clothes (not that they are strange), show you books at an airport (though I would like to one day) or anywhere near the caliber of those super awesome devotees in our past.

I'm just trying to get through life as simply and as karma-free as possible and hope others will do the same. We all want to reach that oh-so-perfect destination.

Let's do it together.